Former home owner mystery number three hundred twenty four: everything comes in twos. Like Noah. Only instead of armadillos and tigers, carpets and drop ceilings.
The house also sported mismatched pairs: tile over hardwood, drywall over plaster, paneling over plaster, drop ceiling under drop ceiling under drywall under plaster.
Our kitchen featured a double drop ceiling. Also flourescent lights. And a ceiling fan sticking straight out of a flourescent light cover, at just the right height for the blades to beat Josh in the forehead.
The kitchen also featured doubled layers of faux wood paneling. The kitchen was a mess — the champion of layers. It had several floors:
A whole faux wood chunk that Josh pulled up, I believe, in one piece.
Then some tile.
Then the particle board from Hades. Glued and nailed onto the original 1938 hardwood, secured in turn to a subfloor.
The kitchen floor has been added onto twice, both times due to moving the basement staircase. The first move made little sense and resulted in a crooked floor and a crooked staircase that was a pain to navigate – and too narrow to fit other home mysteries like old defrosted freezers full of meat. The second move – ours – placed the basement staircase under the second floor staircase and took it out of the middle of the kitchen. This of course resulted in one more section of kitchen floor, although this one is secure and level and makes sense.
I had hoped to refinish the old hardwood, but due to the floor of many layers, the stubborn old glue, the moved and removed walls, the huge heating vents no longer needed and leaving gaping holes, I may need to reconcile myself to new floors.
Outside the kitchen, we found two carpets in the first floor hallway. One was a dirty, old-fashioned, secured-to-the-subfloor carpet. The other was newer, simply laid on top to cover the old stinking carpet. This prompts us to wonder, “Why go to the trouble of digging down to the first layers, past all the years and germs and molds and dirt, and building up from there? How about we just go with the flow and add more layers?”
Why the war on layers? Because I don’t want to die.
Also, the house is shrinking.